I can't believe I haven't covered this already on My Latin Life.
My sincerest apologies.
As a matter of fact, it is utterly inexcusable that I've failed to touch on text game, as it is one of the most important aspects of attracting women in Central and South America.
But Vance! Surely girls aren't as addicted to their smartphones in Latin America. Do I really need 'text game'? Can't I just be sincere?
I used to believe this because it used to be true; I don't recall smartphone addiction being a problem down here a few short years ago. Instagram, SnapChat, Tinder and Vine hadn't really hit the scene yet.
But in 2016 it's caught on, and it's caught like a fucking California wildfire.
Here in Mexico City is the worst I've seen - the way they are glued to their phones actually makes me miss Canadian girls. And, although I haven't been in years, I have no reason to believe that it's not just as bad in Bogota or Buenos Aires.
Basically what this means for you is that your text game must be on point because you'll be competing with a dozen other guys, celebrity SnapChat stories, cat videos and whatever the fuck else these girls do on their mobile devices.
Although good text game can be applied universally, there are a few subtleties that you'll want to adopt for messaging girls in Latin America. I'll touch on these throughout the article.
My Latin Life's Guide To Text Game In Latin America
1) Getting The Phone Number
First thing's first: if you want to get good at texting girls south of the border, you're going to have to get their phone numbers. This can obviously be done through a multitude of avenues: on the bus, in a cafe, nightlife, day game, etc. How to approach women is a topic for another post. Instead, what I'll be talking about here is online dating.
So, you've matched with a girl on Tinder or Latin American Cupid and you want to get her phone number.
What do you do?
Well, I'm going to make it real simple for you. Here is your opening message:
#⃣ 📲 ➡️ 📅 ➡️ 🍻 ❓
As much as I'd like to take credit for this opening, it was told to me by a friend. But that doesn't mean you can't make the most of it.
This opening works well in Latin America for a few reasons:
1) Latinas love emojis
2) You can bypass the language barrier if you don't speak Spanish
3) They will have never seen this opening line
Don't believe me?
(N.B. I have to use 'coffee' instead of 'beer' because as far as I can tell I don't have a 'beer' or 'cocktail' emoji).
Of course, sometimes the gals aren't quite sharp enough to understand:
...and other times they get lost in the shuffle:
But you get the drift.
The goal is to get the girl off the dating app and into your phone as quickly as possible. It's not uncommon for women (even ugly ones) to get 10 or more messages a day on these apps. Even if she likes you, you'll rapidly be buried by cock if you dilly dally
(sorry for the graphic language).
2) Building Sexual Tension
Now, ideally this is done in person through conversation, strong eye contact, touching, mirroring (for those advanced players out there) etc.
However, what if, for whatever reason, you can't meet the girl right away? Maybe you're busy, maybe she's busy.
Maybe you're pipelining her from a different country.
If this is the case, you're going to need to build some initial sexual attraction through text message (yes, it is possible).
To do this, you'll want to nudge the conversation in a sexual direction.
But guys, be gentle.
Latinas are like deer - you'll scare them off if you move too quickly. You have to understand that for Latin guys being direct is the norm, so coming on too strong won't seem 'refreshing' or 'confident', but rather 'rude' and 'classless.'
Here's one example of how to do this.
In Latin America, Latinas love to talk about how cold it is, even if it's not that cold outside. Believe it or not, this topic comes up a lot.
Take this sample chat:
Latina: "It's so cold in my house right now!"
You: "Is that your way of telling me that you want me to come keep you warm?"
You're going to want to word it this way because it shifts the pressure on to the girl - you didn't offer to keep her warm, you simply interpreted what she said. This makes it a lot harder for her to call you a 'creep' or 'desperate.'
If this response sounds a bit gay and/or passive, you're not wrong. But remember what I said: ease your way into the sexual stuff down here. Gauge her response. If she says something like "That might be nice!" or "Yes please!" that's a good indication that you can push the sexual stuff a bit farther in the future. If she ignores your comment or changes the subject, it's probably best to hold off until she becomes a bit more comfortable with you.
Or next her if she is a prude.
A comment like this is suggestive enough to get the girl thinking of you sexually, but not so overt that she can accuse you of being an asshole. In Latin America, I suggest that you test the waters with comments like these, and by the time you meet her, you'll be able to cut the sexual tension with a knife.
3) maintaining interest and attraction
By now you've been on a couple dates and have hopefully had sex, or have at least come close.
But say she's a cool girl and you want here to stick around. You've already told her about yourself and what you're doing in her country, what more is there to say? How can you keep her interested?
Yes, you heard right.
The last thing you should do is shower a girl with attention, particularly after you've hooked up with her.
I don't mean to say be rude - if she asks you a question and you're by your phone, by all means answer it. But don't go out of your way to indulge her boredom with meaningless conversation. And certainly don't sacrifice your time to give in to her whims.
No matter how tempting it may be.
Take some of these text exchanges of mine for example:
Before you say anything, I hate emojis and exclamations too. But you'd be foolish not to use them down here in Latin America. I've A/B tested this and girls are more likely to think you're dull and boring if you don't use emojis or exclamations. I'm simply responding to the market.
In each one of the above chats, I keep things friendly and lighthearted, but I still let the girls know that my time is valuable and/or that I don't need their company.
First Chat: I postpone sex (I'm sure I had something better to do...) and suggest a rain check after my trip
Second Chat: Girl suggests a sleepover and I legitimately forget to respond (I was at a party at the time). She sends a subtle follow-up message the next day.
Third Chat: I try to invite a girl I'd been on a few dates with to a party. She gives bullshit excuses. I simply say "OK :)" because it didn't matter to me if she came. Next day (surprise, surprise) she comes crawling back and asks what time the party is.
Fourth Chat: Turn down sex because I wanted a good night's sleep. Gotta get my 8 hours.
For a bit of context, I've been hooking up with the girls from the first, second and fourth chat for a few months (I deleted the number of the girl from the third chat because she was nothing more than an attention whore). They all know it's casual and are OK with it - I'm very upfront about not wanting to be exclusive, so they know what to expect.
Like most women, these gals have options, but they remain interested in me because I don't make any of them the object of my affection. They know that I have other things going on and that my time isn't something that they are entitled to. They have to earn my time. I also always have a handful of girls in my orbit at any given time, so if one drops off, I don't really notice. This is contrary to other guys texting 'I miss you' or 'I want to see you' every other day. These fellas aren't aware of it, but they are lower their value in the girls eyes with each thirsty message they send.
The way you stand out in this age of social media attention whoring is being the one guy not showering them with attention.
And if one decides she doesn't want to see you anymore for some reason?
Keep it moving.
Always have a few women in the pipeline to avoid getting too hung up on one.
4) what nOT to do
Just as important as knowing what to do when texting girls in Latin America is knowing what not to do.
You won't believe what I've done.
Just for you, I've purposely fucked up a text conversation to show you what it looks like.
What can I say? I saw the opportunity and I went for it.
Now, I didn't fuck it up as bad as I could have because she's a pretty easy-going girl.
But still cringeworthy.
Christ, where do I even begin...
First and foremost, I'm acting like I care way too much about the fact that she forgot the date I was leaving for Canada (it turns out that I never actually did give her any dates...I couldn't recall if I had but I saw it as a good way to torpedo the conversation for blog fodder).
If I just left things at the first message and let it go, it wouldn't be that bad - it would have let her know in a cheeky way that she should remember without making me seem like I really care.
But I soldiered on, responding with a disastrously passive aggressive ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. The single most beta thing I could think of in the moment.
It still wasn't enough.
For my final act, I commit text-Seppuku with the woefully insecure: Yessss what a shame. But it's because if you forgot six days after I told you, I'm going to have to tell you every week. It's better if I tell you on the day I leave.
Here you can see her getting a bit annoyed and bored: You just said October, you've never said dates.
She's probably wondering what kind of self-respecting guy gets this offended over something so minor?
And she's absolutely correct.
But Vance! Shouldn't you call out a woman on her shit? Aren't you a pushover or conflict-averse if you don't?
If it's your girlfriend, yeah sure, call her out on her shit. If you think that will change anything.
But if not, why do you care?
Think about it: would a guy that's having regular sex with a variety of women - a guy that's in demand - care about one of his girls forgetting an inconsequential detail of his life? Would he even notice? Would he even remember if he told her such a detail (hint: I didn't).
The answer is no.
In addition to this, I've learned that it is useless to verbally call attention to a girl's bad behaviour. Women have a funny way of rationalizing every mistake they make, even the most blatant ones.
But, again, that's a topic for another post.
Don't forget that she also has at least 3 other guys talking to her and trying to fuck her. Probably more. You're lucky she remembers your name. And if you want her to remember more, be someone who is interesting and high value. Then she won't be able to stop thinking about you.
But that shit is on you to facilitate. Not her.
Also, keep in mind that she might be doing a test to see how you respond. If you overreact, that gives her the upper hand - it reveals that your emotional investment in her is too high, thereby giving her license to fuck with you because she knows you ain't going anywhere.
The answer is always nonchalance when dealing with women. Remember, they are ALL replaceable.
And once you get enough of them in your rotation, nonchalance will be second nature to you.
This post is running a bit longer than expected so I'll keep this short.
Despite the amount of words I've dedicated to text messaging in this post, the ideal is always to use texting primarily to set up dates. Building attraction in person is always more effective and more time efficient than doing it electronically; it can be a serious time drain if you let it.
It's also worth clarifying that the above tips are geared towards guy who are spending an extended period of time in Central or South America. If you're just jetting down for a week trip, you can ignore most of what I said.
Instead, get on Tinder and Latin American Cupid, do day game/night game, and focus your attention on the girls who seem up for it (i.e. willing to go to your place for a first date or a bar in the evening, as opposed to a coffee during the day). Always be thinking about the best ROI (Return On Investment) if your time down here is short.
That's about it.
Thanks for listening guys; I hope this helps a few of you out!
Until next time,
P.S. If you really want to take your text game to the next level, check out This Is Trouble. Kyle has some excellent recent posts on the topic.