I've been wanting to write a guide to dating in Latin America for awhile now. But something's always held me back.
What could I say that hasn't already been said?
Sex and dating are two of the most discussed subjects on the Internet, particularly on Manosphere blogs. While I love to talk about women as much as the next guy, I'm now trying to keep them on the periphery of my writing. I want My Latin Life to be an information resource for travellers and digital nomads as opposed to a journal of my sexual exploits south of the border.
Also, I'm no pick-up artist or playboy.
Sure I've had more sex partners than average for someone my age, but it's not like I'm bringing home a new girl every night, or even every week.
That being said, after dating in Latin America and hooking-up with plenty of Latinas over the years, I'd be at fault not to share some insight with ya'll.
That all changes today.
Let's get it going.
A Little Bit About My Background
I've been hanging around Latin America on and off for the past 6 years, most recently having lived in Mexico and Peru. During that time, I've dated girls from 5 different Latin American countries ('dated' in this context basically means long term friends with benefits), and have hooked-up with girls in most of the countries I've visited.
***At some point last year I realized I had been with more Mexican girls than Canadian ones (I'm Canadian)...not sure if I should be proud of that or not 🤔.
I tell you this not to boast, but rather to explain to you that I'm not completely talking out of my ass.
Through this experience, I've learned a lot about Latinas. Some of which I've loved, some of which I've laughed at, and some of which I'd like to forget.
This will be a long post, but I'm going to share all of these things with you today.
Let's talk about dating in Latin America.
What is Dating In Latin America like?
We'll start with what it's like to date a Latina.
Dating a Latina is like riding a rollercoaster. The good times will be very good, and the bad times will be very bad. She'll want to cook for you, take care of you and fuck you one day, and she'll want to chop your dick off the next. Generally, you won't know why. It's like dating someone with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder.
Yes, of course there are exceptions, but this kind of behaviour is shockingly normal for Latinas. I'm always amused to see this stereotype proven time and time again.
Thing is, you won't notice this until you're actually in a relationship/exclusive with them.
Another tidbit about women in Latin America is that they are extremely good at putting up fronts if they want to be in a relationship with you. They will seem like the sweetest, most caring, submissive things ever...until you commit.
And that's when the crazy comes out. I learned this the hard way with my first Mexican girlfriend. You have to screen extra hard before committing to be exclusive with a Latina. No exceptions. The first rule of dating in Latin America is to develop a highly-nuanced screening process.
Here are 3 things that you must keep in mind about the psyche of Latinas before getting involved with one:
Latinas are extremely jealous. If she thinks you're having sex with, or even flirting with other girls, you're guilty until proven innocent...much like how the justice system operates in these countries. Expect to be asked about that random girl's Instagram photo you liked 4 months ago, or answer for any girl who's ever liked your Facebook profile picture.
Yes, these are extreme examples, but it can be that bad.
When it comes to jealousy you have to accept a bit of it, and you need to play the game as well. She's jealous because she's territorial and wants you to herself. If you've agreed to be exclusive with her, she deserves peace of mind. Don't game her too hard by being vague about who other girls are, but don't apologize for being a man. If you ease her mind and make it clear that she's your number one girl and you're not fucking anyone else, the jealousy should dissipate after awhile.
Likewise, you should show a bit of strategic jealously, too. Nothing crazy, but if you don't, she'll assume you don't care. Again, the picking up stage is done if you're dating this girl, so you don't need to try and play it too cool. If a dude is trying to pick her up or blowing up her WhatsApp, don't be afraid to let her know how you feel.
And if you want to hook-up with other women (open relationship) be up front about it from the get-go. Don't try to spring that shit on them when you're six months into a relationship.
This is the ugliest part of dating a Latina, and the primary reason I'd seriously think twice about marrying one. Basically, Latin culture is underpinned by an ojo por ojo (i.e. eye for an eye) concept. A "if you fuck me over, I'll fuck you over" type thing.
And trust me, they have no problem fucking people over, particularly their own countrymen.
The way this works in relationships is ugly.
I've heard 3 different girls on 3 different occasions talk about how their boyfriends cheated on them and they decided to stay with them, but fully planned to cheat in order to "even the score," so to speak.
I was baffled each time I heard this.
Not all Latinas will carry this through and actually fuck another dude behind their boyfriend's back, but expect some serious blowback if you're caught doing something you're not supposed to.
Reminds me of a story.
When I was in Guanajuato several years ago, I started seeing a girl. One night, I went out without her to a club, met some girls, and went back to their place.
This lame guy who was with one of the friends tagged along.
Anyway, we got back to the house, played a few drinking games and I eventually had to force the random guy out of the house for being drunk and having a bad attitude. I later hooked-up with one of the girls and stayed the night, thinking nothing of it.
Well, turns out the random dude was a friend of the girl I was seeing.
She called crying, I denied all charges and she eventually forgave me (I was younger then; I'd own up to it now if I got caught). But a few days later she published a photo on Facebook of her kissing another guy on the cheek at the club.
Fortunately, I wasn't too invested and thus didn't care, but it proved to be some valuable insight into this "revenge" culture when applied to dating. Be wary dating in Latin America, fellas.
3. Constant Power Struggle
Dating in Latin America is a constant push and pull scenario. For a man, it's walking a tightrope of being dominant enough without being a controlling asshole, and being jealous enough to show you care, but not enough to seem insecure. This is true of any relationship in the world, but Latinas bring it to a whole other level. Many will shit test you to get the upper hand. You must establish what you will and will not put up with from the get go. For instance, if you see her every night of the week when you start dating, she will expect to see you everyday from then on out. If you don't, she'll think you're cheating or don't care and get pouty. Likewise, if she does something you don't like, you must make it clear early on that you won't stand for it.
With Latinas, you must have a strong frame. You must dictate and take control of the relationship from its inception.
Ridiculously enough, I had one girl I was sleeping with for awhile who started trying to flick my ear (I know, what the fuck?). At first I'd just swat her hand away and tell her to fuck off. But she kept doing it. I actually had to get angry, look her in the eye and tell her to never, ever fucking do that to me again before she cut it out. And guess what? She did.
Now, I know what you're thinking: Vance, I would't put up with this shit for a minute, I'd kick her to the curb.
I hear ya man, and I've had to do that countless times when their nonsense got to be too much for me. Each man has a difference tolerance level for women testing them. Although most men put up with too much, if you're not willing to put up with ANY it's unlikely you'll ever be in a relationship down here.
The main thing to take away from this is that unless you manage to find a unicorn, you will have to deal with this power struggle, at least in the early stages of dating in Latin America. But if she's still doing this kind of bullshit after you're in an official relationship, it's a huge red flag.
And it's time to hit the NEXT! button.
A Controversial Opinion
I don't recommend dating someone that's way outside your social class in Latin America.
The differences are too vast.
So, assuming you're middle class, stick to someone whose middle-middle/upper class in Mexico.
Poor girls - even if they seem balanced - will often have mountains of baggage/drama from fucked up friends and family members. You don't want to get wrapped up in that.
Ultra-rich girls will seem like they're in a whole other solar system from you in terms of how they see and interact with the world.
Date within your socio-economic level.
Ignore this advice at your own peril.
How To Pick Up A Latina
So before you start dating in Latin America, you need to meet a Latina.
How do you do it?
Well, the same way you would anywhere, old sport! In the mall, on the bus, in the grocery store, a bar or club, the gym etc. Now, this section isn't about giving away the secret formula for picking up Latinas (hint: there isn't one), but I'll help you avoid some of the common pitfalls many guys that are used to American girls experience.
The good news is that I've found Latinas receptive to being approached. Bad news is that (in non-Caribbean countries) they aren't used to it, so there is likely to be some initial stage fright on their part if you approach them on the street or in the supermarket. The thing about Latin dudes is that many are more than happy to catcall a woman in the street, but when it comes to actually talking to them and trying to pick them up, they're not really up for it.
Part of the machismo culture. Shit is more to impress dudes than women.
This gives you a leg up because they won't have their bitch shields turned on high, but it also means you run more risk of scaring them off.
Now, I'm more of an introverted personality type. And if you've read this far into the post, chances are you probably are too. This means that approaching women outside of the traditional setting of a bar or nightclub might be uncomfortable for you.
I know it is for me.
Here are some ways I've found to pick up on indicators of interest and mitigate the risk of rejection:
1) Don't approach women that are in a hurry
A rule that applies to all women. If a woman is walking quickly down the sidewalk with headphones in her ear, it's generally not a great idea to approach. Unless you're a bold motherfucker. It usually signals that they aren't up for talking to anyone, so you'll already be at a disadvantage. Instead of chasing girls down in the street, it's a better idea to "post up" somewhere like a bench, or go somewhere that you can more easily get a read on whether or not a girl is open to meeting someone.
That brings us to #2.
2) Parks, public spaces and shops are the best
I've found that parks, or any public space with benches, and stores (by that I mean girls working in clothing stores, shoe stores etc.) are the best places for getting numbers during the day. I've had less success in coffee shops - a lot of girls with headphones and approaches also seem more forced...not to mention you can only really try and hit on one girl in a coffee shop before you'll attract an audience of stares).
Parks provide the perfect environment because there is constant traffic of people going by, and it's just an all around pleasant environment. when I was living in Mexico City, I'd often go to Parque Espana or Parque Mexico to do some reading and tanning. If I saw a girl who was alone doing the same for awhile, I'd strike up a conversation. Three birds with one stone! Mostly, I prefer the park because it can screen out lower-quality girls. Not too many sluts are reading a book alone midday in the park; these are the type of girls that are are more likely to be the kind of girl you'd want to spend time with. Also, no one chilling in a park is in much of a hurry, so most of the time they'll welcome a chat.
Shops are another go to of mine, but you need to be able to read girls and situations pretty well. It's not everybody's preferred hunting ground. For example, don't try to hit on a girl if her boss is around. Also, don't mistake customer service for flirtation (although it's not really a problem here because good customer service doesn't exist). The reason I like shops because it gives you a built-in reason to interact with the girl.
This was great for me back when I was really nervous about approaching random women. It's also pretty easy to tell if they like you in this setting. If you flag a girl down from the street, so many emotions are running through her head just from the surprise of being approached that it can be hard to tell if she likes you or not. In this context, it will be more clear. Start telling that cellphone sales girl a bit about yourself and see how she reacts. Tell her you're new in town and plan to stay awhile. If she seems down, get her number (make sure coworkers aren't around!).
One caveat is that outside of Colombia and some smaller cities in Mexico, it's pretty hard to find hot girls working these kinds of jobs.
3) Latinas will stare at you if they like you
If I'm being honest, this is the cue I use for 75% of my approaches. If I notice a Latina is staring at me or keeps glancing at me, I'll probably go talk to her (unless she's hideous, of course). That's what she's signalling for you to do. Eye contact isn't a weird thing here like it is in Canada or the United States. You can just straight up fucking stare and smile at people you like. I love it. I guarantee you'll find yourself in many situations down here when you realize a girl is checking you out multiple times. Don't squander the opportunity.
Unless you're a social retard, you'll get her phone number.
Keep these things in mind and you'll have no trouble finding someone worth dating in Latin America
Sex in Latin America
I'm not going to talk about cultural issues in Latin America surrounding sex: they are humans, they like to do it like anywhere else. Rather, I'm going to talk about if Latinas are any good at sex, and whether or not it comes easy.
We all know the stereotype: Latinas are fervently passionate and wildcats in the bedroom. But is it true?
I'm pleased to say that, for the most part, it is. But it's not a universal truth.
Based on my experience, Brazilians, Colombians and Venezuelans are the best and Peruvians are the worst. Latinas from other countries have been hit or miss.
If they like you, Latinas tend to take to the sack pretty quickly. I've had sex with a handful of girls down here after knowing them for a mere 24 hours or less. This doesn't necessarily mean they're sluts, they're just less likely to deny their natural urges if they feel a genuine connection.
It's a good thing.
On the contrary, some Latinas will make you wait. This isn't necessarily a bad thing either, but if she's not putting out by the 4th or 5th date, it's unlikely to go anywhere. Also, the fact that she's not giving it up doesn't mean she's not a slut. She might just want it to seem that way to earn your commitment (see previous section). Regardless, don't waste your time.
Keep it moving.
You have a bit of an advantage dating in Latin America as a foreigner as well. Many girls will think that fucking a foreigner doesn't really *count* so to speak, because he isn't connected to any one of her friends or family. Hence, no one will no. She can fuck you while being rest assured she won't be labelled a slut by her social circle.
Is Knowing Spanish Important?
If you plan to do some dating in Latin America, you'll want to learn some Spanish. But it isn't as important as you might think. Although not as widely spoken as it is in the Philippines or Thailand, about half of young women here will know some English. And they'll often be eager to practice. This means that you can come down here without a word of Spanish and still get laid. But, with no Spanish language ability, you'll run the risk of attracting mostly gringo-hunters. You'll disqualify yourself from meeting many high quality girls.
If you want to go after higher tier women, you'll have to know the basics. Likewise, if you are thinking about a relationship down here you'll at least want to know enough to order food at a restaurant for yourself - it gets tiresome for both parties if your girlfriend is doing everything for you.
I can recommend one good program for learning Spanish for meeting women:
Pick-Up Spanish - the easiest way to learn Spanish (specifically geared toward picking up women).
Will You Have An Exotic Factor?
This is something that many men wonder about dating in Latin America: will my whiteness/blackness/asianness be an advantage with the women down here? The answer is a double-edged sword.
Your status as a foreigner will help you in some Latin American cities, but it will hurt you in others. And in some cities it won't have an effect at all.
For instance, in Peru they love white guys. You can hit up Lima and get laid just on account of that. But keep in mind they won't be of the highest quality. I've seen black guys clean up in Mexico City. A lot of Latinas are into Anime and Korean culture. Asian guys can certainly leverage that, although many of these girls are kind of weird.
However, in Medellin, being a foreigner can work against you. Foreigners aren't a novelty anymore and you'll more than likely be thought of as a sex tourist. Same thing goes for the Northeast coast of Brazil and, to a lesser degree, Rio. Of course you can still get with tons of girls in these places, but be aware that you may have to work against the stereotype of your fellow countrymen.
In Argentina and Chile, people are indifferent to the fact you're a foreigner.
If you want to take full advantage of the so-called "White God Factor," Central American countries north of Costa Rica, Peru and the Dominican Republic are probably your best bets.
But the best advice I can possibly give you is this: don't travel to a country just because you think your exotic factor there will be the highest. It's a recipe for disaster. In fact, you shouldn't really be thinking about this at all when you choose a country to travel to. No city has been "ruined" by tourists. Yes, more tourists will make you less of a novelty.
But, guess what?
If you're a man who has his shit together, you'll be able to get girls anywhere in the world. Best to focus on that and choose a country that you are genuinely interested for reasons that extend beyond easy sex.
Online dating has arrived to Latin America and it is glorious. But you best reap the fruits now before it destroys the next generation of women (see next section). Every major city in Latin America has a sizeable number of women using online dating in some fashion. Even Asuncion, Paraguay (I've checked). This is a great thing for men because it gives us yet another outlet to meet Latinas, but it can also be a detrimental crutch because it is so easy to hit up women on the Internet that it reduces the motivation to hit the streets and actually meet some real-life ones.
The two best online dating tools to use in Latin America are Tinder and Latin American Cupid. The dating app Badoo also has a presence down here, but it is far less widespread.
Tinder is best if: You're under 35 and interested in banging a ton of young girls.
Latin American Cupid is best if: You're over 35 and want to bang a lot of girls... but are also open to something more serious.
Use Both If: You're like me and don't want to leave any stone unturned 😉.
Latin American Cupid also has country-specific dating platforms for countries with the most users.
So you're in luck if you plan to go to any of the following nations:
Colombia - Colombian Cupid
Mexico - Mexican Cupid
Dominican Republic - Dominican Cupid
Brazil - Brazil Cupid
If you're headed to Central America or Peru, you're best bet is the standard, all-encompassing Latin American Cupid platform, where you'll find girls from all over the region.
Girls you meet online in Central and South America are usually very receptive and open to meeting foreigners.
If you're still curious to how it all works, read my review of Latin American Cupid.
If you plan on dating in Latin America, don't ignore online resources.
Traditional and Conservative Culture Is Dying
Gone are the days when Latin America was nothing more than a collection of backwater banana republics. The region is well connected now, and much of their culture is influenced by the United States. While modernization has been great for education levels and the expansion of the middle class, it hasn't been too kind to the dating market. Ideas like Feminism and "having fun in your 20s before settling down" have begun to pervade my generation (18-30-year-old women). Although it's not quite as horrifying as the conduct of Canadian and American women, the trajectory is disconcerting.
A list of the most active cities for Tinder users has two Latin American cities on it: Rio de Janeiro and Buenos Aires.
Brazil, Mexico and Colombia are all on the list of the top 10 most active countries on Facebook.
What does this mean for dating in Latin America?
Although the sexual liberalization is great for young guys like myself who just want to have a bit of fun, it's less cool for guys who are looking for a good woman to commit to.
The fact that traditional and conservative culture is dying in Latin American was solidified in my mind after living in Mexico City.
At small get togethers, Mexicans liked to play a drinking game called "Never Have I Ever." For those unfamiliar, it's basically a game where someone says something they've never done, and anyone who has done that thing must take a drink. Unsurprisingly, the game always is sexual in nature.
Let me tell you. I was absolutely shocked at what some of these young girls had done. Threesomes, fucking married men, anal...you name it they'd done it. Some had had more sexual partners than me!
Another somewhat depressing thing was that, after seeing many, many girls over the course of nearly two years in Mexico City, I didn't meet one that knew how to cook.
But before you get too depressed, know that there are still plenty of Latinas that are more conservative and traditional, and haven't fucked scores of men. There are many pretty girls in the smaller cities of Colombia, Brazil and Mexico that still maintain their values and know how to put together a meal more complicated than pancakes.
Depends what you want, really.
As a young guy who mostly wants to have fun, I've been able to reap the benefits of a sluttier Latin America. The pros have outweighed the cons for me thus far, so I can't really complain. Also, looser sexual values and less traditional ones are becoming normal everywhere in the world, not just LATAM. So I don't lose sleep over it.
But I'd be lying if I said that some of the shit I've done, heard and seen hasn't made me think twice about ever getting serious about a relationship in Latin America.
Jesus, we're at 4,000 words. Time to end this thing. Like I mentioned before, I'm no Don Juan or pickup artist, but these are some of the things I've observed while dating in Latin America. Take from it what you will.
I'm happy to accept the good and the bad aspects of Latinas. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be down here.
I plan to update this article as I discover new things and travel to new places.
If you've got any experience with Latinas or have any questions, please post in the comments below! I'll do my best to answer them and will tweet some of them out on Twitter to see what my fellow Latin America enthusiasts think.
Thanks for listening, and a roaring round of applause for you if you've managed to make it through this mammoth of an article.
*** Recommended resources from this article if you plan on dating in Latin America ***
Hasta la próxima,
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