I know I know, I've beaten this topic to death. But two different emails this week got me thinking: maybe I've been approaching the question of whether or not Mexican girls are easy the wrong way.
The gist first email went something like this. It was a rant and didn't merit a response.
Email 1: Hey Vance, based on your advice I went to Guanajuato...and let me just say you are completely wrong! Girls here are way more difficult than you claim. They are standoffish, impossible to get on dates, etc, etc.
And the second one.
Email 2: Hey Vance, I'm looking to study Spanish in Mexico and I was wondering: are the girls hot? Up for it? I've read a lot of mixed reviews on the Internet. Some say they are too conservative and others say it's a walk in the park. Thoughts?
I was about to rely to the second email, reassuring the reader that, yes, sex is pretty easy to come by in Mexico.
But then I thought about the first email.
The guy who emailed me reminded me a lot of a fellow I knew when I had spent time in Guanajuato. I've written about him before, although I can't remember in what article. We'll call him Colby.
Anyway, Colby could not, for the life of him, meet women in this city. He kept lamenting about how much easier it was to get laid when he lived in Zambia for Peace Corps, how the girls were so flakey, etc.
Meanwhile, my other friends and I were beating women off with both hands (metaphorically speaking...).
On the surface, it didn't make sense.
Colby was in better shape than me, better looking and had the same level of Spanish as me (very basic).
But he had failed in one very important thing...
As a man, your success in this country is going to depend a lot more on the fact that you're white and foreign. That might be enough to cut it in Peru but it won't quite do here.
If you want to get anywhere with Mexican women, you have to adapt to the culture. This doesn't mean you have to read the entire works of Carlos Fuentes and Octavio Paz, or listen to Pedro Infante albums, but take the time to observe social dynamics.
For instance, when I was in Guanajuato, I relied mostly on bars and nightclubs for meeting women. Two things that I noticed right away were:
1) Most of the girls were young (18-22)
2) I was getting a lot of eye-contact, but when I tried to reciprocate, most of the girls would quickly look away.
I also knew that the town had a big university. I put it all together and figured that most of these girls were probably young students, away from home for the first time and thus new to the bar scene. Based on this limited information, I figured that should take a much less direct approach than I would at home in Canada if I didn't want to scare these gals off.
He didn't take this approach.
Instead, he applied loud, obnoxious American-style game, drunkenly approaching girls and attempting to pull them in for a dance.
As a good looking guy in the United States (he was from Detroit), I have no doubt that he'd be rewarded by such boldness.
But in this small city?
I could see fear in these girls' eyes when he would approach them like that. Once they regained composure, they would politely decline and continue chatting with their friends.
Me and my other friends took a much more chill approach. We'd stand by the bar, crack jokes amongst each other or banter with the bartender in English when he wasn't busy. If a guy or girl ordered a crazy looking drink, we'd ask them what it was in barely passable Spanish.
In other words, we'd just fuck around and have fun. After about an hour or so, we'd established rapport with the bartender, as well as a number of people who'd ordered drinks. Only after we'd secured a positive and non-threatening presence did we even think about approaching girls, often starting with ones we had already touched base with by the bar.
By that time, the hard work was done for us.
What's my Point?
Sorry, I know - kinda trailed off there for a minute. But the point is the ONLY difference between me and my friends, who were bringing home one or two girls a week, and Colby, who only ever fucked a single mother during the entire three months I was in town, was the ability to gauge social dynamics and adapt to the local scene.
In the same way you don't go into a biker bar and play George Michael on the jukebox, you don't bring American-style game to a small Mexican town.
But Vance, this is true all over the world. Not exactly revolutionary advice you're giving here...
Which is why I'm now going to give you some specific tips for improving your odds with women in Mexico.
What Will Work To Your Advantage
1. Don't Be Too Direct
The biggest cultural difference I've noticed between Canada (where I'm from) and Mexico is direct and indirect game. In Canada, if you want to get anywhere with a woman in a bar or a club, you have to act on the aggressive side of the spectrum. Now, I'm not saying you have to be a complete caveman, but you have to make your intentions clear pretty early; build sexual tension and all that.
However, it surprised me to find out that, in Mexico, being aggressive out of the gate is much more likely to work against you, like what happened with our friend Colby.
That being said, if you wait forever to let a girl you're interested, she will get confused, particularly if she is giving you signs that she is into you (girls here are much more generous in this sense than American or Canadian girls).
My advice is this. If you meet a girl in a bar or a club, don't initiate physical contact too early. Never be the first to sexualize the conversation. You need to build a good deal of conversational rapport first, much more than you may be used to back home. Even if the girl is interested and you manage to seal a make out on the dance floor, if she isn't comfortable enough in your presence, don't be surprised if she ghosts on you afterwards.
Same goes for daygame. If it's more your style to meet girls during the day, don't be too direct. Rather than stopping them on the street and saying "I think you're beautiful and I'd like to ask for your number," simply start by asking something less direct, like directions to a nearby cafe. Build some quick rapport and measure her interest and THEN ask for the number.
Tinder is a bit different. Since the sexual attraction has already been established, feel free to proceed more or less as you would at home. Try to at the very least kiss the girl by the end of the date.
2. Leverage Social Circles
Social circles are important here. And unless you're exceptionally good-looking or charming, you're not going to get access to the top tier women without a bit of networking.
It works like you'd expect. You have some friends who have some friends, some of which are female. You get introduced, get to talking, eventually touching and, well, you know...
The great thing about Mexican gals is that they will make it very clear whether they are interested in you or not, either by unmistakable body language or by asking a friend to find out if you're interested. If you're like me and you're introverted, this makes it a lot easier to decide whether or not to pursue a particular lead, or to focus on another girl.
Barring a few outliers, the best looking women I've been with have been procured through social circles in one form or another, either my own, or the social circles of my friends.
What Will Work Against You
1. Being cheap
This should be an obvious one. Mexicans are extremely generous, and will often buy you drinks or give you free reign on their alcohol (if there is a bottle of booze at a party, it is generally assumed that it is for everyone to partake in. But it goes both ways. Every so often, splash out and by the people at your table a round.
But do it strategically.
Like any Latin American country, there will be people here that are just looking to take advantage of the 'rich gringo.' My advice for avoiding this while in a group setting is to never buy the first round. Wait to make sure that others are contributing too. You'll always get a freeloader or two, but don't be a sourpuss about paying a few dollars more than your share of the bottle.
On dates, I believe you should always pay. At the very least, for the first few. But always dictate where the date will take place. Don't let a girl you barely know rope you into going to an expensive restaurant and having you foot the bill. Tailor your dates to your income and comfort level. Any girl who's going to give you shit for going to a cafe instead of a fancy dinner isn't worth your time.
2. Being Too Serious
Being dark and brooding can work really well up here in Canada. But in Mexico? Not so much. It's just not something they understand very well. To get anywhere with women here you have to have a fun and upbeat attitude.
That's not to say that a little mystery can't go a long way. Be vague about the details of your life and work if you wish - it will build intrigue. But I've yet to meet a quality Mexican girl that responds well to the quiet, somber type.
Unfortunately, this type of dude often attracts yapping gringo-hunters - the more aggressive girls who have lived abroad and have been with many foreigners.
In general, Mexicans girls are easy to understand. They play less games than other women. So don't change your entire personality! Just have these tips in the back of your mind when you do your approach.
Are they easy?
Of course, there is no concrete answer to this - at the end of the day it comes down to the individual. But I'll try to break it down as best I can based on my experience.
Mexican women have one-night stands more than Peruvian women
Mexican women are more likely to initiate an approach than Colombian women
Mexican women will not cockblock you as much if you hit on their friend
All this should leave you a pretty clear path for hooking up with girls down here. I personally do better with Mexicans ladies any other nationality in Latin America. But I do have quite a good understanding of how to approach them, as I've lived down there for a long time.
It's worth noting that things do differ here by region. Generally, you'll have to tailor your approach slightly depending on where you are in the country. I'll break it down quick for ya'll.
North of Mexico - Both girls and guys are more aggressive. It would suit you to show your interest a bit more than in other parts of the country. Don't be too forward, but don't be scared to do some casual flirting shortly after meeting them.
Central Mexico - Play it cool here. Don't get too drunk when you're out at a bar, and don't be too aggressive. Just be friendly and outgoing when you first meet girls here. Don't escalate until later on in the night, after you've got to know them decently well.
Mexico City - Like any big city, girls are more casual about sex here. One night stands are much more common than in other parts of the country. You can mostly be yourself, but don't run any asshole game. Unlike in the United States, very rarely will a chica in Mexico respond positively to this. Social circle isn't as important - you can go out to bars alone here.
Guadalajara - Social circle is key. It is very hard to lone-wolf here. It is best to go out with a group of people. This is the Mexican city where it is most important to have some Mexican friends.
South of Mexico - Typically more conservative (save for the state of Veracruz, where girls are a bit wilder). Like Central Mexico, don't be aggressive. Don't force anything. Building comfort is key.
To sum this up, to have success in Mexico, you're going to want to do the following five things:
1. Don't be too aggressive
2. Don't be too serious...have some fun and laugh a little!
3. Don't be a lone wolf all the time. Make the effort to build a social circle that includes locals
4. Don't be cheap. Going dutch here is less acceptable than in Canada, the United States, Europe or Australia
5. Learn some Spanish to set you apart from other gringos. (*P.S the best program for learning Spanish fast is SpanishPod.
Finally, don't be afraid to approach! Although you'll be pleasantly surprised at how open women are about showing their interest, you'll never truly get what you want unless you approach the women that you want.
And if you want to get some insight into the psyche of gals down here before booking a trip...
That's all for now, friends.
Until next time,