A night I'll never forget. My first humiliating experience with Brazilian women.
I'd arrived to Rio de Janeiro earlier that day, and I'll admit, I was intimidated. I barely spoke Spanish, let alone Portuguese, and I'd heard horror stories about violence and crime.
I had completely psyched myself out. I was legitimately nervous, unable to think straight.
I knew I needed to calm my nerves. This was unlike me. Maybe I was burnt out from travelling.
I got a taxi straight to the hostel. I observed the other guests, looking for a group to latch onto. That also was very unlike me, but I wanted a crew to ease my way into the city.
Eventually, I found a group. A couple Scandinavians, a couple Brazilians and a guy from Italy.
We hit the drink and got to talking. A few of us arranged plans to go out that night, so the conversation quickly turned to girls
"The thing with Brazilian women, man, is you gotta be aggressive. It's the only way," said one of the Brazilian guys. The Scandinavian guys were eating up every word.
"You gotta do it that way, or they'll think you are gay."
I chuckled, and the Brazilian guy turned to me.
"Especially you, man, you look Brazilian, man! It's going to be more hard for you!"
I had heard this before, and it was nice to have the aggressive thing confirmed. I wasn't the aggressive type, and that had worked well for me in Latin America, but I was ready to adapt.
Hours later, we were at a club.
Within minutes, I noticed several sexy Brazilian women throwing glances at our group (to be fair, probably only due to the two tall, blonde Scandinavian dudes).
Seems promising, I thought.
And indeed it was.
Within minutes, the Scandinavia guys got pulled into a group, leaving me, the Brazilian guy who went out with us, and the Italian guy.
"Go find something, man!" said the Brazilian guy
"I will, I will. Don't worry" I said.
Truth is, I was the one that was worried. I was insecure about my lack of Portuguese, and I couldn't get a good handle on the social dynamics of the place.
Luckily, I was saved from having to approach. A cute little Brazilian girl came up to the table and asked if I wanted to dance (I understood that much Portuguese, at least).
I remembered the aggressive stuff and made physical contact right away. At the end of the song, we kissed.
She went off to find her friends, and I returned to the group.
Night progressed, we talked among ourselves and I was casually keeping my eye on the cute Brazilian girl. Seemed like a good lead, but it was still relatively early in the night.
I spotted her.
Dancing with another guy on the dance floor, giving up much more than what she gave me.
"Hmm, I thought. "Seems 'aggressive' means 'persistent.'"
I mentioned it to the Scandinavian guys, and they confessed that the group of girls they were with jumped ship as well.
I tried a few more approaches, but my ego was wounded - up until that point, I hadn't been outright jacked like that in a bar or club in Latin America. I blew some conversations due to language barrier, picked up the phone number of a girl that was leaving the bar with her friends and got blown out HARD with a Hail-Mary at closing time.
Man, it was a different game here - Brazilian women weren't just going to give it up to a lowly dark-haired foreigner from Canada.
Sorry, that story went on longer than I expected.
But it's still fresh in my memory.
It wasn't until the end of my trip, and thanks to the help of a friend in Sao Paulo whom I met in Canada, that I finally began to understand how to hook-up with Brazilian women. And, although I haven't been back to the country, I've since had success with girls from Brazil in other Latin American countries.
How To Meet Brazilian Women
Be Aggressive! B-E-Aggressive!
But seriously. Yes, the rumours are true. You need to come on strong with Brazilian women. The game moves very fast here. This was the hardest thing for me to adapt to, as I'm usually a pretty relaxed guy.
What does this mean?
It means initial physical contact off the bat, and go for the make-out as early as it makes sense to do so (obviously don't be autistic and just grab any ol' girl and kiss her...although I have seen Brazilian guys basically do that...).
But being aggressive alone isn't enough. In countries like Mexico and Colombia, my game plan was basically chat to a few girls early on, maybe get a number or two and then retreat back, either to my group, or just to the bathroom or bar. Basically, planting seeds so I'd have options to return to throughout the night. Worked well. Sort of raised my value as someone who had options if girls saw me talking to other girls, but it didn't fuck up my chances because we weren't touching or anything...just friendly chats to start out.
I found out that, in Brazil, or with Brazilian women in general, this doesn't really work. You do need to be persistent with the girl you're going after, or else she'll end up with another (more persistent) guy.
You can't just initiate contact and leave her for awhile. Even if it's only shooting glances or stopping by her table, you always got to have her on a string.
This occurred to me when my Brazilian friend in Sao Paulo was always asking me why I was ditching the girls I was approaching. I, of course, didn't see it that way, but my attempt to explain to him my game plan which had worked so well in other countries? He simply couldn't wrap his head around it.
Oh! Another thing.
Remember how I said be aggressive? Well, that only applies after you've approached a girl. As far as your approach goes, you're going to want to air on the side of being respectful as opposed to cocky. Girls here are used to being hit on by drunk foreigners as well as hyper-thirsty locals. So they have a pretty finely tuned defence mechanism. Basically, approach respectfully, and if things are going well after a few songs (or whatever unit of time you're using to measure) escalate fast. Think going from 1-10 on your approach and going 10-80 on your escalation.
If that makes any sense at all...
How Girls in Brazil are Different Than Girls in LATAM
I'm going to get this out of the way now.
Brazil is not Colombia, Mexico or Peru.
Brazil is not a place where you can show up, log-on to Tinder and have girls throwing themselves at you because you're a foreigner.
Brazil is different.
You will have to work!
Couple reasons for this:
1. The local competition is strong; there are a lot of fit, good-looking men in Brazil. Perhaps more than anywhere else in the world.
2. Foreigners aren't special. In fact, Brazil is constantly trying to fight the international stereotype that their country is full of easy women. Seriously, this is a thing they don't like. So, being a foreigner may actually be a disadvantage here.
Don't get me wrong - it's not impossible to get hook-ups. Brazilian women aren't particularly conservative when it comes to sex. But you'll have to sink in some time, man! It's not like Colombia (God-bless that country). But neither is it Argentina, where a social circle and six months in the country is basically necessary to hook-up with a half-decent looking woman...
For me, it's a good mix. It's not unnervingly easy but not obscenely difficult, either.
That's the way it should be.
There's a rumour that Brazilian women go crazy for blonde-haired guys.
I'd say that there is truth to this, to some degree.
Whereas in other Latin American countries, something as simple as having blue or green eyes can make you exotic and attractive, Brazil is different. They come in all shapes, sizes, colours etc. So, it's hard to stand out in Brazil. Even a White guy like me, with light eyes and light skin, doesn't stand out. In addition to being told I looked Brazilian, I personally saw plenty of dudes that looked like me throughout the country.
That means that about the only racial group that stands out here is blonde guys. So it makes sense that they'd have a bit more of an exotic factor than someone like myself.
But don't get it twisted. It's not like a weird fetish or anything. But yes, from what I saw, blonde guys did receive quite a bit more initial, superficial attention than I did (motherfuckers...).
Bottom line. If you're blonde, you'll do alright here. If your not, you'll be fine.
I almost forgot!
OK, you have two good options for online dating (there are more, but these are the best).
1. Brazil Cupid
Tinder has hotter girls, but Brazil Cupid has girls that are more responsive and easier to hook-up with.
That was my extremely scientific assessment after using both apps to talk to Brazilian women.
My advice? Use Brazil Cupid and Tinder to meet Brazilian girls.
Good thing about Brazil Cupid is that it's easy to set up dates before you arrive in the country. This is a bit harder to do with Tinder Plus, as they'll think you're a weirdo/sex-obsessed for swiping outside the country.
Not sure why this is.
Well, this post has gone on long enough.
Guys, basically all you need to know is this.
Don't expect it to be as easy as Colombia, Mexico or Peru
Air on the side of being aggressive after a well-received approach
Have fun! Always be laughing and practicing your Portuguese (or Portuñol).
It's a great country and I hope to go back now that I have my wits about me a bit better and have become wiser with age.
I hope to see you there.
Until next time.